How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
