dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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