dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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