just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
