Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
