drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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