batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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