You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
