First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
