how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
