This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
