I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
