Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
