i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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