Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
