Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
