Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
