I think my vagina is haunted
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do vagina's smell?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
