I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
