Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
