A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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