I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
