So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
