Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
