I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
high people should be assigned attendants
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
