i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
