sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
