Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
