youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
