fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
