Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
