i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
