I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
