I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
