ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
