I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
