Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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