Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
