u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize