He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize