Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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