i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
