I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize