Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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