There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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