we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
