So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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