Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
