I should be sponsored by Trojan
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Congratulations! We have a period
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Panties = found
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
