Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
