after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
