i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
