All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
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She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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