you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
