dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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