that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
