I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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