my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
