woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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