Just fell off a train. Bad.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
