Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
