Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
