Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
