I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
