Texts From Last Night

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  (855): View more from

  somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs

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  (855): somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs http://tfl.nu/4p1d
  Replies (6) Good night (1386) Bad night (463)
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  (818): View more from California

  Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.

  (1-818): View more from California

  Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.

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  (818): Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night. (1-818): Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit. http://tfl.nu/ras5
  Replies (10) Good night (1147) Bad night (7362)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.

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  (815): just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home. http://tfl.nu/6d9n
  Replies (14) Good night (541) Bad night (6710)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.

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  (+44): The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps. http://tfl.nu/azhr
  Replies (14) Good night (6684) Bad night (1336)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today

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  (301): Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today http://tfl.nu/gkj4
  Replies (13) Good night (5279) Bad night (1298)
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  (562): View more from California

  sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone

  (1-562): View more from California

  there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue

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  (562): sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone (1-562): there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue http://tfl.nu/8olm
  Replies (9) Good night (835) Bad night (2436)
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  (516): View more from New York

  i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.

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  (516): i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records. http://tfl.nu/e6fm
  Replies (7) Good night (3596) Bad night (1700)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral

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  (804): i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral http://tfl.nu/voa8
  Replies (3) Good night (707) Bad night (2268)
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  (619): View more from California

  why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu

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  (619): why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu http://tfl.nu/w1ae
  Replies (6) Good night (1774) Bad night (1285)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?

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  (417): How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave? http://tfl.nu/9xty
  Replies (17) Good night (1674) Bad night (2366)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.

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  (614): would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter. http://tfl.nu/c050
  Replies (4) Good night (2853) Bad night (694)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture

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  (412): I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture http://tfl.nu/mhk1
  Replies (13) Good night (1461) Bad night (375)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.

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  (706): Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed. http://tfl.nu/1l89
  Replies (5) Good night (1042) Bad night (270)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?

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  (306): just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays? http://tfl.nu/3o82
  Replies (2) Good night (883) Bad night (212)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?

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  (850): I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...? http://tfl.nu/1yog
  Replies (1) Good night (404) Bad night (138)

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