Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?

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  (617): My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned? http://tfl.nu/bm6r
  Replies (125) Good night (7793) Bad night (2545)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"

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  (912): your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?" http://tfl.nu/ccfy
  Replies (18) Good night (1142) Bad night (3908)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.

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  (918): Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine. http://tfl.nu/dowa
  Replies (31) Good night (1927) Bad night (3673)
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  (518): View more from New York

  just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her

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  (518): just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her http://tfl.nu/hb22
  Replies (74) Good night (8983) Bad night (1055)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...

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  (703): something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas... http://tfl.nu/emnc
  Replies (18) Good night (959) Bad night (7509)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs

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  (773): I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs http://tfl.nu/g3cl
  Replies (3) Good night (3369) Bad night (856)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration

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  (513): I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration http://tfl.nu/y2rq
  Replies (20) Good night (1733) Bad night (2587)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion

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  (856): Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion http://tfl.nu/nnpe
  Replies (7) Good night (3537) Bad night (787)
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  (949): View more from California

  In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.

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  (949): In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor. http://tfl.nu/vpx7
  Replies (33) Good night (6442) Bad night (2245)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.

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  (612): What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains. http://tfl.nu/eu34
  Replies (5) Good night (1828) Bad night (780)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.

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  (903): As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix. http://tfl.nu/azut
  Replies (5) Good night (1461) Bad night (680)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.

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  (919): When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs. http://tfl.nu/7b1r
  Replies (6) Good night (1624) Bad night (628)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me

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  (412): I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me http://tfl.nu/nb8z
  Replies (1) Good night (290) Bad night (422)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"

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  (609): Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits" http://tfl.nu/28wn
  Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (270)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I felt the need to accentuate it....

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  (859): You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for. (423): I felt the need to accentuate it.... http://tfl.nu/t7pe
  Replies (1) Good night (720) Bad night (484)

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