Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI

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  (415): I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI http://tfl.nu/f789
  Replies (3) Good night (981) Bad night (838)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?

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  (910): dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her? http://tfl.nu/5pe0
  Replies (39) Good night (7421) Bad night (1740)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.

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  (641): I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated. http://tfl.nu/i5uc
  Replies (6) Good night (982) Bad night (3412)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.

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  (703): so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine. http://tfl.nu/s4y5
  Replies (25) Good night (10462) Bad night (1660)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm

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  (214): she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm http://tfl.nu/qx0o
  Replies (8) Good night (3172) Bad night (1865)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together

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  (713): Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together http://tfl.nu/dsi2
  Replies (6) Good night (3513) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.

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  (972): By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/m469
  Replies (6) Good night (2655) Bad night (987)
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  (213): View more from California

  putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had

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  (213): putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had http://tfl.nu/a4wf
  Replies (2) Good night (1556) Bad night (800)
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  (925): View more from California

  We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.

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  (925): We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely. http://tfl.nu/80gj
  Replies (7) Good night (2796) Bad night (711)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.

  (407): View more from Florida

  Bro? You just made it a target.

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  (407): Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy. (1-407): Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far. (407): Bro? You just made it a target. http://tfl.nu/0hg2
  Replies (8) Good night (2503) Bad night (1129)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it

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  (+44): He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it http://tfl.nu/dp2q
  Replies (3) Good night (1713) Bad night (697)
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  (353): View more from

  The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend

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  (353): The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend http://tfl.nu/0v3z
  Replies (4) Good night (1125) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome

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  (815): I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome http://tfl.nu/5x53
  Replies (1) Good night (603) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood

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  (787): Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood http://tfl.nu/bkre
  Replies (1) Good night (572) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  my vag sweat smells like doritos

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?

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  (415): my vag sweat smells like doritos (617): so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay? http://tfl.nu/hu1h
  Replies (4) Good night (537) Bad night (1111)

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