Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
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on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
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I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.