Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.