I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts