I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
