I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.