this just has baby written all over it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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